I can feel the weight bearing down on me,
Breaking my back
Slowly, painfully, surely
How do I know when
is it time for me to put it down?
I'm duty-bound
by words,
by deeds,
by promises
All of which have not come to pass
I am ashamed
for it was made of hope
and in great passion,
not in haste & ignorance
So I push on
into the storm
my body ravaged by the wet & cold
as the raindrops beat mercilessly on my body
My fingers are numb
my legs sore
my mind disillusioned
"I must go on!"
And then, I look back
and see
wolves preying
lurking,
waiting in the dark
some in sheep's clothing
to pounce on my possessions
like cattle to the slaughter
They care not
who you are
as long as appetites are whetted
At the crossroads
I look forward
and know the risks
But I look back
and know I risk even more
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Being Peter Pan
What sort of boy is Peter Pan? The kind whose coming causes winter to flee and flowers to spring into bloom, whose sorrow causes the clouds to curl and the seas to wail, and whose sheer joy causes the sun to rise after a long night. He's sharp, wild, and tempestuous. He can crow in joy, wail in despair, and steel himself in heartbreak. He’s easily offended, but quickly forgives. Death holds no horrors for him, but loneliness is unbearable. He knows endless ways to fight and escape the pirates, but can’t acknowledge his own emotions, which are begging him to let them grow into maturity, to usher him into adulthood.
I am sure I am not the only one who, as a boy, longed to be Peter Pan and live forever in Neverland. In a way we're very much alike. But there is always a tragic, melancholic tint to the end of his story. By refusing to leave Neverland and grow up, he denies himself true love and the true potential which he has - which irks Wendy. She is entranced by Pan, but realizing his immaturity, she longs for him to be able to grow up, even a little bit, so they can be on the same level. While Wendy doesn’t initially want to grow up, she realizes that it’s the healthy thing to do, and that there are other, different joys to be had as an adult, even if she doesn’t fully understand what those are. I do not think Neverland would be the last magical world Peter would find, if he had the courage to leave it. As an adult, there are plenty of wonders to discover and exult in, if one looks with the right eye and mindset.
I am sure I am not the only one who, as a boy, longed to be Peter Pan and live forever in Neverland. In a way we're very much alike. But there is always a tragic, melancholic tint to the end of his story. By refusing to leave Neverland and grow up, he denies himself true love and the true potential which he has - which irks Wendy. She is entranced by Pan, but realizing his immaturity, she longs for him to be able to grow up, even a little bit, so they can be on the same level. While Wendy doesn’t initially want to grow up, she realizes that it’s the healthy thing to do, and that there are other, different joys to be had as an adult, even if she doesn’t fully understand what those are. I do not think Neverland would be the last magical world Peter would find, if he had the courage to leave it. As an adult, there are plenty of wonders to discover and exult in, if one looks with the right eye and mindset.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Life as we WANT it
How many of us remember growing up and going through school & college & university?
Do you remember what it was like? Do you remember all the dreams you had & what you wanted to do with your life when you completed that diploma or degree?
How many of us wanted to come out of college & change the world & make it a better place? Or wanting to get married & have kids & wanting to change the way people did things? How many of us wanted to change our OWN lives to be able to afford what we never had growing up? Do you remember the promises you made and the hopes you held within those sacred walls deep in your heart? Do you remember the house you wanted to live in & the car you hoped to drive in & show off to your friends someday? And yearning for a life full of adventure & promise!
And how many of us have abandon those stories & dreams now? I think many of us, when we cross the divide between work & study, will give up on those pursuits. When we get into the middle of it all and realize that it was so much harder than we thought. We couldn't see the distant shore anymore, and we kept asking ourselves if our paddling was actually moving us forward or back. None of the trees we see on the promise land were getting bigger or even smaller but we just seem to keep on paddling & paddling & paddling. That's life.
No one has it easy although it may not seem so to certain people we know. We long for their lives & their jobs & their cars & clothes, but we long for it not out of jealousy but to fulfill our own needs, our wants to have a better life. The desire is not wrong. It's just that some of us have to paddle harder than others.
As an idealist, I have always felt that we should not give up on our dreams despite the odds. That hardwork, perseverance & attitude will chart our destiny. That money isn't everything. Easier said than done, right? - To be honest, when times are hardest & I find myself at my lowest, I often question my beliefs & even my own capabilities. The most difficult & embarrassing thing a man has to endure is the inability to protect his loved one(s). It breaks a man to know that. It shatters him. Yes, money isn't everything.. it just helps when you have plenty. And at so many times, that is enough.
But what has a man got if not hope? If we lose our drive, we will see no value in life. And when we see no value in life, we cease to fight for a better future. Futures are designed from hope but built by character. Our values are what keeps us sane & focused. I choose not to give up or compare myself with others despite the challenges. I know that things are difficult now, that at my age I should be at the top of the rat race. I blame no one but myself because these are the outcomes of decisions I made earlier. And so I have to paddle harder & faster than everyone else. For the person that is in her/his 20's, you are still very young. Life is tough & we rarely get what we want. But I say to you: hold on, dream big & act accordingly. Even winters will pass in time. Sometimes we see no way out from our situations and we can do nothing but hang on to hope like a piece of wood floating in the ocean waiting for help... and that is exactly what we must do at times. It's the only thing we CAN do. Think about it: We are already in that situation. Only going back in time will change that. And that in itself it impossible (for now!). Take time out to cry, to shout, to despair, but not for too long because life goes on & believe it or not, we not only live for ourselves, but also for those who love & cherish us. Being sad is inevitable, being miserable is by choice. Some smart-a** out there will think that they are better than you; that they are right and you are wrong. And you might just believe them. Others will always have an opinion about everything. But people with ambition don't give a damn about what others think about them! Many times I feel like an outcast - If not for my deep-rooted values and old fashioned views, then for who I am proud to be. Racially abused for my ethnicity, ridiculed for my background, looked down upon for my economical status, I've heard and been through it all. Trust me, it still hurts & the pain lingers behind the laughter and the jokes.
I know, everyone leads a different life, & life itself deals each different cards. Each person has a story to tell. But we are all paddling in the same direction. And if you have someone to paddle alongside you, it makes the journey all the more worthwhile even if you don't get to where you wanted to. That is something even money can't buy.
Do you remember what it was like? Do you remember all the dreams you had & what you wanted to do with your life when you completed that diploma or degree?
How many of us wanted to come out of college & change the world & make it a better place? Or wanting to get married & have kids & wanting to change the way people did things? How many of us wanted to change our OWN lives to be able to afford what we never had growing up? Do you remember the promises you made and the hopes you held within those sacred walls deep in your heart? Do you remember the house you wanted to live in & the car you hoped to drive in & show off to your friends someday? And yearning for a life full of adventure & promise!
And how many of us have abandon those stories & dreams now? I think many of us, when we cross the divide between work & study, will give up on those pursuits. When we get into the middle of it all and realize that it was so much harder than we thought. We couldn't see the distant shore anymore, and we kept asking ourselves if our paddling was actually moving us forward or back. None of the trees we see on the promise land were getting bigger or even smaller but we just seem to keep on paddling & paddling & paddling. That's life.
No one has it easy although it may not seem so to certain people we know. We long for their lives & their jobs & their cars & clothes, but we long for it not out of jealousy but to fulfill our own needs, our wants to have a better life. The desire is not wrong. It's just that some of us have to paddle harder than others.
As an idealist, I have always felt that we should not give up on our dreams despite the odds. That hardwork, perseverance & attitude will chart our destiny. That money isn't everything. Easier said than done, right? - To be honest, when times are hardest & I find myself at my lowest, I often question my beliefs & even my own capabilities. The most difficult & embarrassing thing a man has to endure is the inability to protect his loved one(s). It breaks a man to know that. It shatters him. Yes, money isn't everything.. it just helps when you have plenty. And at so many times, that is enough.
But what has a man got if not hope? If we lose our drive, we will see no value in life. And when we see no value in life, we cease to fight for a better future. Futures are designed from hope but built by character. Our values are what keeps us sane & focused. I choose not to give up or compare myself with others despite the challenges. I know that things are difficult now, that at my age I should be at the top of the rat race. I blame no one but myself because these are the outcomes of decisions I made earlier. And so I have to paddle harder & faster than everyone else. For the person that is in her/his 20's, you are still very young. Life is tough & we rarely get what we want. But I say to you: hold on, dream big & act accordingly. Even winters will pass in time. Sometimes we see no way out from our situations and we can do nothing but hang on to hope like a piece of wood floating in the ocean waiting for help... and that is exactly what we must do at times. It's the only thing we CAN do. Think about it: We are already in that situation. Only going back in time will change that. And that in itself it impossible (for now!). Take time out to cry, to shout, to despair, but not for too long because life goes on & believe it or not, we not only live for ourselves, but also for those who love & cherish us. Being sad is inevitable, being miserable is by choice. Some smart-a** out there will think that they are better than you; that they are right and you are wrong. And you might just believe them. Others will always have an opinion about everything. But people with ambition don't give a damn about what others think about them! Many times I feel like an outcast - If not for my deep-rooted values and old fashioned views, then for who I am proud to be. Racially abused for my ethnicity, ridiculed for my background, looked down upon for my economical status, I've heard and been through it all. Trust me, it still hurts & the pain lingers behind the laughter and the jokes.
I know, everyone leads a different life, & life itself deals each different cards. Each person has a story to tell. But we are all paddling in the same direction. And if you have someone to paddle alongside you, it makes the journey all the more worthwhile even if you don't get to where you wanted to. That is something even money can't buy.
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