Past, Present and Future

My energy & enthusiasm feels so distant at the moment. Like a million miles away. Light years even.


I feel tired.. close to the point of just letting go of most things. And yet, deep down, the terrier in me refuses to give in, believing that with every passing moment, with every brick that life throws at me, I will survive. I have done it before & I shall do it again. I look back at those moments with proud nostalgia, parading the scars like a war veteran. But with every passing moment and thrown brick, I grow weary as well. Perhaps it serves as a reminder that age is catching up on me. It's as if life's salty winds are slowly but surely corroding the metal that makes up my soul with every gush and blow.

How did it ever come to this? - I have no idea. All I do know is that we have no control over the things that life throws at us, but we are responsible for how we want to react to it. So far I've been trying my best to manage every aspect of my life.. My job, my family, my relationship, my friends.

Unfortunately, my job has not been a bed of roses this past year. Probably more thorns than roses! Switching companies and finding myself thrust into the fray with very little support and high expectations, lacking good direction (or any direction at all!!!) & bereft of positive motivation coupled with extremist demands from a short-sighted HQ is the highlight of my career. A bad experience I should say but an experience nevertheless and I believe that I've grown richer with it.

I'm now contemplating a switch.. again. However, the fear that I might not be able to accomplish or meet the requirements of the targeted position has been constantly playing on my mind. I want a change. I need a change. But is it the right change? Can I do it? There's only one way to find out I guess...